where's the fire, what's the hurry about.

As cliche as this image may seem at first glance,
don't scoff.
Cliches are cliches for a reason.

I rode a downward spiral toward success last semester at school.
(How's that for an oxymoron.)

Not only did that catalyze an absence of blog posts,
it caused the loss of my boyfriend, with whom I had had a bond like no other;
it caused the loss of any superficial acquaintances I had made there;
it caused the loss of pounds I was trying to gain;
it caused familial dysfunction and concern.

I over-dramatize.
On the grand scale of what my life has been, and what it will be?
Last was nothing.
I ruined no lives, I impacted few.
Basically, I was too aware of too many circles,
I stressed myself out.
(Refer to that last post.)
I chided myself with the sentiments of peers who commented me on my nonexistent ass, thin frame and frizzy hair, concentrating only on the negative.
I continued on my perfectionistic journey of obtaining the 4.0 all throughout high school,
rarely sleeping just to copy excessive, monochrome notes from a dead textbook?

Life is too wonderful for that.

I missed out on the simplicities I supposedly hold so dear.
I missed out on girlish giggles and mattress creaks,
exaggerated stories and Old Spice aftershave,
morsels of cake batter and hummed gospel hymns.

I forgot what it was like to quote the Blues Brothers, to finish a painting that wasn't assigned by an earthy, twangy art teacher named Conde, to linger over a plasticly artificial QuikTrip Freezoni, to fantasize over the nonexistent scruffyfaced, poetic-waxing, generous, humble, sensitive boys indie movies are made of.

Okay.
So maybe I don't have that much of an ass.
Maybe I am not cut out to be some robotic AP workhorse,
catering to designated formulas of "analysis and examples."

I am ready to live again.
I am ready to paint again,
to sew.
To write with passion,
without journalistic constraints.
To make jewelry.
To volunteer in the nursing home down the street like I always say I will.

I miss drama;
I haven't been in a performance in four years.

Somehow I should convince Terah to take an improv class with me...